Being outdoors has always quenched my soul's thirst for breathing room . . . and because I live in the city, the best I could do was to get away every so often to a pond after work or after the day ended, on my way home.
Ponds can be quite beautiful as well as peaceful, especially at night. I didn't go every day but I would go when I felt that tug needing to just slow down for a while . . . even if it was just for 45 minutes. It is there God began to meet with me.
He would listen to me some nights rant and complain in anger or pure frustration from unsettled discontentment welling in my soul . . . or just things going on in my life.
He would listen to me and would answer some of my questions that desperately needed a change in perspective. If I was being honest, many nights He was there with me as tears would often fall from my face into the grass below me. He gave me a secret place just with Him to become broken and real about all I actually felt and thought.
I embraced being weak alone with Him so He could make me strong for others.
He was always there. . . there to meet with me.
It wasn't something I had decided would be necessary for my heart. It wasn't a way to be a better Christian or even to be a better man, although sometimes it felt that way.
I was simply doing something I wanted to do . . . to just get away . . . and enjoy the peace and aloneness.
He met me there.
Over time, He taught me, molded me, and loved me. We made a lot of exchanges. I would give Him my disappointments and He would give me a thankful heart. I would give Him my small perspective and He would give me His perfect one. I told Him what I saw and He told me what He saw.
It was beautiful.
I don't remember exactly when but one night I saw a beaver swimming by, gently moving its body along and barely making any ripples in the water. There was such a sense of astonishment that this animal would come out at night with nobody else around. In such a sneaky and simple way, we were both free.
It was something special I got to share with God and it brought so much joy to my adventurous heart that longed for these moments shared together. There were some times when I came to those ponds broken and falling apart, desperate for a sign or a reminder that God my Father was still there with me even though things seemed to be crumbling around me. I would look up and there it was. That slow moving dark figure gracefully tracing the water's reflection and to me, it was a reminder that God cared deeply for me.
It may seem a small thing perhaps from someone else's view from the outside looking in, but to me, that beaver was that simple reminder that gave me hope again.
I think we would be shocked to know how much God cares about the very depths of who we are. If we would only approach Him with all of our hearts, holding nothing back . . . the good and the ugly and the really ugly. . . we would find our best friend and the greatest father we could ever ask for.
In finding Him we would also find ourselves. We would find what makes us come alive, what desires and dreams we have neglected, and lastly, who we are meant to become.
Being alone with Him, just us two, sharing something I am so very passionate about was the perfect cultivation for true connection with Him.
I mentioned I learned one thing that marked me for life. It wasn't the ponds or beavers that made it special. It was Him knowing exactly what I needed and wanted.
It was how He met me there in those late hours of the night when I was alone with Him.
Ever since then when I get away to my ponds or wherever the place I have discovered to be alone with Him, I am looking for those special moments He gives me for us to share together.
They are reminders that He was always there when we bonded over something so simple yet wondrously beautiful in all those countless nights . . . and He chose to use ponds and beavers to teach me what intimate relationship actually means and what it should look like. He taught me intimacy.