He made a way so that He could be right there with us in the midst of our darkness
As I was driving home the other day, the song "Broken Vessels" by Hillsong popped into my head and I began to sing it out loud. I often do that when songs come, because I know it's God's Spirit moving me to just sing. It's not even always a worship song, but it's just a simple way He sometimes uses to move my heart and soul into a good place.
Whether I need a reminder of who He is or a reminder of who I am because of Him, I try really hard now and days not to think about it too much but to just sing . . . and I never regret it. Singing is such a simple thing, whether we think we are good or not, it is a necessary part of what our souls need. I have found it shouldn't be for others any more than it is actually for our pleasure . . . and of course, for God's pleasure. Sometimes there is not any words except for a song that could make sense of what's going on inside of us.
As I was singing that song to God and driving down the country road I often take to get home, in the background the sun was setting in painted neon colors mixed of salmon faded into blue-violet. In that moment my eyes slightly filled with water and salt as the lyrics of the song washed over me sinking into a deep reservoir in my heart.
As the lyrics of that song came softly from my voice they reminded me I am not alone in my sin.
"I once was lost but now I am found..."
We are not alone in our sin.
You are not alone in your sin.
Jesus literally chose, instead of looking the other way and staying separate from us, to meet us right where we are now . . . here. By His relentless pursuit that I did not deserve, I am forever never alone in the weight of myself. He made a way so that he could be right there with us in the midst of our darkness in messes and screw-ups and failures.
So many times we act like the opposite is true, yet Him dwelling inside of us means now He is always there, always. He doesn't pick and choose looking away when we are really bad but sticking close when we are behaving. We try and try and try to be better men, better husbands . . . better fathers, yet we try and try and try on our own because we are often ashamed of who we are right now.
I think we try to almost fix ourselves before we want to acknowledge a Holy God who we know we are in the midst of.
It just doesn't work that way.
It reminds me of a child wanting to hide from someone so instead of actually hiding themselves physically, they hide themselves mentally. They put their hands over their face, covering their eyes because at least their mind doesn't see the person they want to hide from even though they know that person can still obviously see them.
We do that with God. We pull an Adam in the garden of Eden after The Fall wanting so badly to hide that he does so in his own strength in order to feelhidden from his creator. We know better though . . .
>>Genesis 3:8-9 “When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. Then the Lord God called to the man, “”Where are you?”
What a deeply sorrowful heartbreak that must have been for our Creator. To have His precious creation hiding themselves from Him. Something deep down sinks in me when I read that verse . . . partly because I see such a passionate desire for God to have closeness with us, the opposite of hiding. The other part of heavy sadness from this comes from this simply truth:
That’s me too.
That isn’t just Adam, it is all of the human race after Adam and Eve.
As I read that passage of scripture, It deeply hurts my heart to see that part of God and the heartbreak it must have caused Him to feel His precious creation having hidden themselves from Him.
How often do we hide from Him?
How often does God ask us that?
“Where are you, son? Why are you hiding? I can still see you . . . but you can’t see me. Why are you hiding?”
The truth is we feel like we must hide our nakedness from Him because the deepest honesty reveals we don’t believe we are indeed a precious and wondrous creation at all.
All we see are flaws and broken areas that we want to hide . . . so we put on grand facades in a world set on rewarding those who choose to join in on its great mascaraed celebration.
Celebration of what? Being separate from God?
The world rewards these thing, but our loving Father does not.
In fact, His spirit living inside of us is at war with this very thing, fighting for our hearts to open back up to Him without shame or guilt of our nakedness before Him.
In fact, He knows very well who he made us to be. He also knows who we could become, and that is all he sees.
That is all He cares to see . . . is what is for our good.
It doesn't shock God when we sin no more than it should shock us when a father is loving to his children.
How much more is our Heavenly Father loving towards us?
We are simply not alone in our failures, our mistakes, and our shortcomings.
Our sin and messiness, our anger and lack of self-control, our lustful thoughts, and our envious desires.
They all fall short of being greater than the One who is with us always.
Here is a challenge . . .
The next time you screw up and do something or say something you shouldn't have, right there where you are, acknowledge God is there.
Right there in the midst of whatever comes after... whether it's shame from a sin you keep doing over and over... or guilt for someone you hurt... right there in the moment of your son's aftermath, acknowledge He is right there with you in it.
You are not alone.
