We all carry a backpack. That backpack is full of who we are . . . the way we think, the dreams we have had for some time now . . . the goals we want to accomplish . . . the desires and things we are passionate about . . . and even to the every-day agendas and to-do-lists we feel we are obligated to check-off.
We walk around with this backpack and because of all that we carry in it, sometimes it becomes heavy, as if it were filled with big rocks loudly knocking around with every step.
We basically learn to tune that sound out . . . just ignore it and live with it because it is a part of who we are . . . or at least that’s what we have come to believe.
But God had a different picture in mind when He created us . . . a more freeing idea of how we are meant to live.
That backpack is our hearts.
Every day, that backpack needs to be relieved of all it becomes filled with or else it becomes more of a burden than anything else. In fact, most of our discontentment and disappointments with life stem from all of what fills our backpack not being given any attention.
By the time we realize it, the contents in our hearts become vastly contrasted to what is actually going on in our lives.
Those desires and dreams we have carried for so long start looking a lot better than where we are and what we are actually doing right now, so we fold into believing our life is less than what our hearts are wanting.
Over the years, God has shown me that when I don’t go to Him with my backpack, it becomes heavy for me to carry around.
Every day it is a burden because it is too much to know what to do with all that fills my heart, every day, every week.
Weeks turn into months and months turn into years until finally I am becoming angry and bitter inside because my backpack is so weighed down.
In fact, the heaviness of that backpack will begin to damage parts of my life.
Just like an overly heavy pack on a long backpacking trip would undoubtedly begin to injure your back over time, what we carry around with us will surely begin to effect every area of our lives.
For example, when I have neglected my backpack . . . my heart, I have less patience towards others around me because I am impatient about where I am in my own life.
I have noticed that I also am not content with where I am, always wanting more and what I do have just isn't enough.
A "bad day" turns into a bad week which eventually becomes a prolonged struggle to just simply be nice and pleasant to be around all together!
It all has to do with my perspective and not seeing the process that God has me in right now.
Of course it is frustrating to just pick out where I am now because I don't have any clue into what He is doing and where He is leading me . . . not unless I ask.
I won't know if I don't take the time to seek His heart so I can be rid of all that is weighing mine down.
When I empty my backpack out, He replaces that frustration from my perspective to what He sees in His.
He may show me that I am close to where I thought I would be already but things still need time to line up . . . and He is still working in me and in my life, so I need to keep taking small steps towards the direction He wants me to go.
After knowing that, I can have more peace and courage inside of me to walk out the simple things and be faithful with them without taking out that frustration on myself or others around me.
So when I choose to spend some time with Him, this is such an important part of that process.
Spending time with God looks like this for me:
Getting away to a place where I have some privacy to be alone. When I get there I usually take some time to sort of unravel . . . let my walls down and all the ways I feel I typically have to hold myself together.
I start losing the filter and the "nice guy" routine I sometimes get caught up in trying to please everybody.
It is my attempt to become bare and naked before God, trying to not hide anything . . . because He sees it all anyways.
At first it may not feel good to just be honest with yourself and your Creator, but it does allow for a closeness and much more intimate conversation rather than a surface leveled one.
Whatever is sitting on the surface . . . whatever is on my mind, I just begin to talk to Him right there.
It looks different each time.
Sometimes I am really excited about some things going on and just want to thank Him.
Other times it is basically me ranting about how disappointed I am that dreams and desires I have had for years are going unmet and screaming louder at me to meet them.
I have found though surprisingly that even if I may think I am doing "okay," I come to find out I have been carrying pain deep down that through spending that time alone with Him actually has the opportunity to be addressed.
Whether there are more negative things coming to the surface that may sound like complaining or just a lot of silence, if I don't let Him help me with what is inside of my backpack, I will become lost in it all.
My first goal when I get alone with God is to take my backpack off, turn it upside down, and let all that has filled it come falling out.
Sometimes going for a walk helps me.
Other times sitting by a water’s edge and being still and quiet helps.
But when I first arrive, that is my goal . . . to get empty as fast as I can.
Why?
Because the next part is the main course . . . because really, it's the main reason I get away and alone with God.
See, here’s the thing. Anybody can sit there and ramble on about how they feel and what they are thinking and there is a certain amount of freedom that comes from it.
That’s why counselors and therapists have jobs.
But here is where God is much much different than just merely a counselor or therapist.
He is everything we could possibly think we need all in one incredible being.
He fathers us by giving us truth and wisdom and direction, even when it is hard to hear at first.
He is our Closest Friend who listens to us without jumping to accusations or judgments . . . instead giving us freedom to truly become vulnerable and honest.
He knows us through and through and wants us to learn the truth of who He sees we are and the plans for us to become.
He is our Great Counselor, helping us to understand why we think a certain way and feel certain things about our lives and circumstances.
He is our Truest Lover as He never gives up wanting to spend time with us and grow in relationship with us regardless of how we may fail in reciprocating that affection.
That is the main course I spoke of and why I make it out to be alone with Him . . . why it is so worth it and why I desperately need that time.
That is why we all desperately need that time.
I desperately need to empty my backpack.
I often need to empty my backpack.
I need to empty my heart so I can have the availability and capacity to carry who He is created me to be inside of it, not the person I become apart from Him.
That person is not even half the man I am without Him.
I need His perspective because it brings me hope.
I need His counsel because it offers me peace.
I need His fathering because it brings me courage and confidence.
I need to be loved by Him because it fills me with contentment.
I need that time with Him because it restores me in ways I could never be restored without simply spending that time with Him, away and alone from everything else.
The other evening I had stopped on my way home to fish at a pond that supposedly was stocked with rainbow trout.
Even though I wanted to fish because I hadn't in a few weeks and I felt myself getting rusty, I also knew I hadn't spent real quality time with God in a few weeks and desperately needed to.
While I was casting back and forth, that voice inside of my thoughts was getting louder . . . that need to just take a walk and talk with God.
So after fishing for a bit without catching anything, I just laid there in the grass by the water. I wasn’t even frustrated because I knew that I had come to that pond that night not for fish but with a thirsty and hungry soul needing to connect with my Father.
So I did.
I got up and left my pole there on the ground.
I went for a quiet stroll following the water's edge.
In the silence, something came up to the surface of my backpack . . . my heart.
I just said out loud,
“God, I am tired of feeling so broken. I am tired of not feeling whole and not being able to be fully myself. This has been going on for so long now and I’m tired of it.”
I didn’t see that one coming. I mean I was aware of my frustrations with how certain things have worked out or not worked out for me this past year and even going into this new year . . .
And I also know I have lately been running from spending time with God like I know I need to be . . .
But there was something different . . . something more freeing and powerful about me confessing what was weighing heavy on my heart like that.
That's all it was.
After saying that out loud, I just walked little longer, grabbed my pole and headed back to the car.
I can say this though . . .
I was not the same man who arrived at that pond as I was leaving it.
It took about 10 minutes for God to do what only He could.
He didn't even have to speak a word.
Just being with Him . . . just being around Him . . . His presence so near to me . . .
That was enough.
I think we overcomplicate everything, but in this case, we overcomplicate our relationship with God.
It's no different than taking a girl out on a date. If you want to get close to the gal, girlfriend, finance, wife, it doesn't matter.
Everybody knows the only way true intimacy and closeness grows between two beings is alone time together.
Sure you do things together and probably end up being around others together a majority of the time . . . but that relationship will only be as strong as the alone time spent, one-on-one giving the other your undivided attention.
This is not a question of, "I wonder if my backpack is full right now?"
Let me go out on a limb and just say, it absolutely is.
But are you going to carry it around like it is?
Or are you going to take that time . . . that alone time with Him and let Him do what only He can?
It took 10 minutes for God to reach into my heart and pull something out that did not need to be there . . . something that was weighing me down.
That's who our amazing Father is.
