Something happens inside of a man when pushed to places in his head that go beyond what he believes he can do and accomplish
"During the night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two servant wives, and his eleven sons and crossed the Jabbok River with them. After taking them to the other side, he sent over all his possessions.
This left Jacob all alone in the camp . . ."
I trained at a Mixed Martial Art gym during college through my early twenties for about 4 years off and on. People are usually shocked when they hear that.
At least on the surface it may appear I like to fight if I did something like that and there is a part of me who loves to fight for a worthy cause, but I never liked fighting for the sake of fighting. I would usually be the guy breaking up a fight or getting between two guys who wanted to. I did MMA because I fell in love with martial arts as a young boy. I would hear stories of my Dad who trained in the art of Karate most of his youth into high school. I even recently had the chance to watch an old-school video recording of him fighting in a tournament. I watched TV shows like Power Rangers and Jackie Chan movies growing up and Bruce Lee was of course another huge influencer as well as seeing Chuck Norris in the TV show Walker Texas Ranger taking out a hundred guys with his bare fists.
Needless to say, I grew up pretty much obsessing over fighting within the bounds of honor and discipline but I sadly never trained until I was a young man.
While I trained in that little hole-in-the-wall gym, I learned a combination of martial arts such as Muy Tai, Judo, and some self-defense disciplines. I also studied Bruce Lee's Jeet Kune Do philosophy on my own during that time and applied it to my style as well. There was of course American Boxing influences sprinkled through out, but probably the most popular of them all that is affiliated with anyone talking about MMA is of course, Jui Jitsu.
Jiu Jitsu is basically submission wrestling but very different than American or Greko Roman style wrestling.
I enjoyed it not so much because it was my favorite, but mainly because I had become decently good at it. I could take just about any guy down I wanted to and could defend just about any guy trying to take me down.
I had learned enough body positioning and technique to submit guys that it made it more fun and challenging as a sport should be. For me it was never about dominance but it was about learning.
I would try to fight with guys better or bigger or stronger than me so I could grow in my own strength . . . and take from each what they were good at so Icould become my own best version.
There was a part of each Jiu Jitsu class that was called "Open Mat" which was basically free-time for us to pair up and practice all we had learned.
It is called "rolling," basically sparring Jiu Jitsu style.
"After taking them to the other side, he sent over all his possessions. This left Jacob all alone in the camp, and a man came and wrestled with him . . ."
I learned a different kind of humility, letting myself be at the mercy of the guy I was rolling with because there was a chance I could be submitted and would need to tap out. You had to have a certain amount of trust towards your partner because if you both weren't careful, someone could get severely hurt.
It wasn't fun to have a guy's four-arm cutting off the artery in your neck that supplies blood to your brain. It wasn't particularly exciting to have your foot twisted in such a way that your ankle somehow felt it would be displaced from its socket. Your elbow being bent in the way it was never meant to would always feel terrible.
So why would I want to roll with anybody at all?
I could have just left after the teaching part of the class was over.
What was it about finding a partner preferably stronger or better than me and want to possibly be submitted in a rather hurtful way?
Well, that's not at all why I did it in the first place.
Something happens inside of a man when pushed to places in his head that go beyond what he believes he can do and accomplish.
Something snaps inside and what comes rushing in can only be described by a term we know very well . . . and that is courage. Sometimes I will admit I was nervous when we started rolling. I was nervous because I didn't think I had any chance submitting the guy I paired up with and knew me getting submitted was inevitable. I was nervous because I knew what I was getting myself into choosing to "roll" with someone more advanced than me or just stronger than me.
Courage is what stayed my course.
Even after being submitted I still felt a sense of victory because I had courage, as it turns out, I actually wasn't fighting against my rolling partner at all.
I was really wrestling with myself.
"This left Jacob alone in the camp, and a man came and wrestled with him until the dawn began to break. When the man saw that he would not win the match, he touched Jacob's hip and wrenched it out of its socket. Then the man said, 'Let me go, for the dawn is breaking!'"
It's curious to me how God allowed Jacob to be alone in that camp. He waited until Jacob was all alone . . . and in being alone, he was of course with . . . well, himself.
Before God showed himself to Jacob and before they began wrestling and "rolling", Jacob was left with himself alone in that camp. He was left with his probably awful image of the man he had become. He was left alone with all of his fears and concerns. He was left alone with the parts of himself he knew were weak.
We learn so much of who God is when we wrestle with Him, but how about when we are alone?
I think that He wrestles with us so we can face ourselves, but first He must get us alone.
God obviously has nothing to prove, just like those guys I would go against who were ranked higher than me didn't, both of us knowing who was better than the other.
That's not why I went up against them, at least most of the time. I wasn't trying to prove anything, at least to them.
In fact I usually went in knowing they would surely submit me. I just wanted to know how long it would take for them to and they usually gave me great respect for that. There was a part of myself I wanted to learn through it . . . gain more of an understanding towards the truth of what I had in me.
I wanted to know where I was in terms of skill, where the fear in me was hiding, and where my own beliefs about myself limited me in what I could do and what I was capable of.
Every time I would face myself and "submit" those false-perceptions that limited me, I would become better.
I became more fearless.
I became smarter in how I used my strengths while learning where my weaknesses were actually limiting me.
Basically, I wanted to face all that was making me weak, and I became pretty good because of it.
I learned to do that because that was the only way I could become stronger and become who I knew I could be.
Eventually, the guys that were once much more advanced than me became more of an equal opponent as I began to submit them and at the very least, defend and keep up with them.
That is what Jacob had to do in order to overcome the identity he carried for so long, his name being "Jacob" which in Hebrew meant "One who wrongfully or illegally seizes and holds the place of another."
In order to become who God wanted Him to, Jacob had to face what was holding him back from it. He had to face himself.
So, God wrestled with him.
In a fight, you know longer have anything to lose except the fight itself, so usually you give it your all. In a fight you get to see all you're made of and all you're not. It becomes crystal clear and it sort of frees you to seeing the truth of who you are giving you nothing to hide behind. It's all out there for you and your opponent to see. I think that's why there is so much respect after a fight between the fighters to a degree, even if they still don't like each other.
Regardless of whether you lose or win (depending on the cause), learning the truths of and facing yourself through the process of the fight can almost be the most fulfilling part, regardless of the outcome.
Notice how Jacob had the courage after the fight to face his brother. Notice the change in Him as a man after. Notice how he saw the world around him and how it changed. His perspective had shifted among with learning the truth of who God made him to be, and it changed starting with him facing himself first.
How he saw God changed.
How he saw himself had changed.
God gave him a new name, Israel.
The Hebrew word for Israel is pronounced "Sarah" meaning "to prevail" and "to have power as a prince" which in the context of this story, God specifically told Jacob he had prevailed with Him and man, having power as a prince with Him and man.
Wrestling with God is so necessary for finding who we are as men because when we wrestle with God, we are really facing ourselves. It is not different than the important lesson He taught me through the years I spent training, getting my butt whooped over and over again. He showed me that it wasn't them I was ever fighting at all . . . but it was myself in whom was the true opponent. When we go up against God, we are bound to get whooped. If it was about winning, it would be pointless every time.
What's amazing is with our Father, it's about us facing the truths about ourselves that He desires . . . wanting us to wrestle and strive and fight until we have nothing left to hide behind except the reality of who we are.
"'What is your name,' the man asked. He replied, 'Jacob.'
'Your name will no longer be Jacob,' the man told him.
'From now on you will be called Israel, because you have fought with God and with men and have won.'"
Do you think an open mat session between you and God might possibly be overdue?
(Scripture is from Genesis 32)
