In that moment, as I stood with a stupidly large grin across my face, my entire insides felt warm with a hint of shameful foolishness for I had been delightfully proven wrong
Have you ever had an impatient car tailgate you and finally pass you up and as they zoom past you, you both end up at the same red light?
Whenever that happens I can't help but think, "All that for nothing."
I guess it's a good reminder that we are extremely flawed, as it is the reality I suppose to be human beings. I'm not saying I have never done that, and the same is most likely true for you as well.
I can't help but think though how often we do that every day with how we approach . . . well, everything really.
From the second we wake up our day probably starts in a fluster of thoughts pouring in about obligations, responsibilities, and even agendas we either want accomplished or simply desires we want fulfilled. We have goals and dead lines, schedules to juggle, and all the while we find little escapes along the way . . . things like our favorite cup of coffee or little guilty pleasures that seem to get us through a rather overly stressful day.
It is non-stop and it rarely, if ever, slows down unless we make a conscious or intentional effort to slow down.
I could throw a few scriptures up that speak specifically on these matters and it would probably be things you have heard before, but is that really what we need? . . . Another scripture we misinterpret into thinking, "Yep, there I go again not measuring up to living a certain way."
I will let God be the One who leads you in that this time around, but what I want to do is simply tell you this:
Slow down . . .
So many times I will be driving to work or to meet up with friends or tackle something on the to-do list of things I want done, and needless to say I am speeding. I will hear God gently but firmly tell me, "Slow down, son."
For some reason when He says it, it doesn't just apply to my fast driving . . . it shoots deep down into places I probably didn't want Him poking around in.
I have been exposed.
It wasn't just about driving fast, anxiously wanting to get somewhere. God would reveal to me in that moment that I was actually living life that way and it would lovingly convict me. Me speeding around was just a symptom of something much deeper inside of me.
It's funny how that works, God needing to point out a symptom that goes deeper than just speeding or losing our temper over something small or finding ourselves helplessly dissatisfied with our lives.
It all points to a symptom that needs attention in the intangible terrain of our soul, rooted down in a dark place that desperately needs God's touch.
A couple of weeks ago, I went for a trail run at one of my favorite local places to get away in nature. As I was running, I kept getting this sense that I needed to walk and not run. It literally wouldn't go away either. It just kept going on and on and on until I finally realized it was God telling me to just walk.
I told Him I didn't want to and that I only had a certain amount of time before I had to go to work. I told Him that I went there to run so I was going to run.
He kept on and on until finally I said, "Fine! I'll just walk . . . I give up."
The second I did, I got the sense that He just wanted me to slow down.
This probably seems like a silly thing but think about all the "silly" things we stubbornly hold on to until we finally give up and stop fighting what it is God wants for us. For the record, He is never wrong and always knows what's best for us.
So as I was catching my breath and trying to enjoy the slow pace I then found myself noticing the trees and all the sounds, actually enjoying myself for once . . . until I saw something as my eyes were drawn to movement to my left through the trees.
It was a huge buck standing there with its thick neck and strong stance. I began to count its antlers and he was at least an eight pointer with a rack so wide running across his ears and above his shoulders that he was rubbing against some low hanging tree limbs as he cautiously moved.
He knew I was there but couldn't see me as I stood as still as a statue watching even how I breathed so as to not alert him to being a possible threat.
I couldn't take a picture because there were too many trees to look past but it was close enough to see him in detail, and boy was it a sight. I just took it all in, almost frozen in a time that seemed to not exist the way I was used to it existing like.
I enjoy those specific trails because of the sense of wildness not too far from where I live yet far enough where you can let yourself escape the hustle and bustle for a bit. Seeing deer is a pretty normal occurrence, but what I was seeing? That was something special that I had not seen in the almost two years I had been going to those trails.
In that moment, as I stood with a stupidly large grin across my face, my entire insides felt warm with a hint of shameful foolishness for I had been delightfully proven wrong.
"That's why You wanted me to slow down . . . that's why You wanted me to walk and not run."
I would have missed that moment.
Could I have lived without it? Sure.
Could I have had another moment some day like that one? Of course I could have.
But is that the way we are to live?
Is that the way God wants us to live . . . missing these amazing moments because of our childish and foolish stubbornness to do what we want to do?
I am thankful that He doesn't let us stay in that place. I am thankful that He pursues our lives to such an extent that we actually find the life we have wanted all long to live simply by surrendering ourselves to a much much better way of living . . . living His way.
It also hit me hard that I had misinterpreted why He wanted me to slow down.
So often I accuse Him of being some kind of "buzz-kill" or taking the fun out of life. He tells me to not go on a trip and I think, "Gosh, He just wants me to be boring."
He tells me to let go of a certain expectation of a relationship or opportunity that comes my way and I think, "He is withholding good things from me."
But time and time again I have seen the proof that in fact He was protecting me from, well, myself.
We are foolish to think we know what we want based on what we think is best for ourselves and our lives.
That kind of thinking doesn't leave room for God to be lord over the areas that we try to be the god of.
I would have missed an incredible moment that makes life worth living. Me accomplishing my own goals or doing what I want has never given me a sense of purpose in this life . . . at least not a lasting one . . . not one that strikes true down to my core. But when God leads and directs us, we find more of a life we are rarely even ready for! It becomes truly living rather than just surviving though the day with a few stress-relievers along the way.
That happened weeks ago and yet I can still imagine myself standing there, almost not even caring about the deer as much as the realization of how much God loves me and fathers me into the very detailed things I would enjoy.
I can't say the same thing about some of the rushes of each day, blazing through them like someone is chasing after me. Every day can either be a rush of something I won't remember in a week, or it can be led by a Father who loves you to the extent that moments like the one I had would be almost a normal occurrence.
Maybe slowing down and taking your time may not be such a bad idea after all.
(Photo: the deer were taken near the mountains of Big Sky, Montana)
